I'm trying to organize pictures of many of the things I've made during my life up to now. I've been able to get back to the 1980's.
To find them I go through my shutterfly account. I even had scanned some photos from old plastic photo albums an put those on shutterfly. Then amazon prime started automatically storing the photos I took on my phone to amazon photos.
This is a major undertaking. But being a maker is an integral part of who I am.
I want to leave something of myself behind. I'm sure my family won't want to keep all things I've made. But, I think and hope that they would keep my book of photos.
Sorting through the photos of my makes entails visiting past moments in my life. Times with my kids and grandkids were happy and pleasant to relive.
Some photos include my boys' father. There were very few moments that I can remember of happy times with Ken. He was a closed up kind of person and didn’t often talk to me. When Andy, my oldest was born I was so happy to have a companion. I loved being a Mom. But, after his birth, Ken found reasons to be away. I don't think he was ready to be a father and he never really warmed up to Andy. He was much different with our second baby, Kevin. His current relationships with our sons continues that way.
We had a nice 20th wedding anniversary in 1993. He took me to a romantic restaurant and gave me 20 red roses. That was the year that Andy turned 14 and his terrible teens began. It was a very painful period for me. A friend told me that I was suffering from depression and she recommended that I see a therapist. The doctor prescribed mega doses of prozac. I returned to my former outgoing self but I also ballooned from a size 6 to a size 18 in just a few months. This combined change in me led to Ken leaving our bedroom. Sometime in 1994 Ken announced he was going to move out. Another friend suggested that I speak to a lawyer for advice. I didn’t want to divorce Ken but I knew that we had started on that path. I worried about being able to afford to continue living in our house. My lawyer said it would be okay if I were the one to move out. Ken complained that the apartments that I was looking at were too expensive. That angered me. He spent loads of money on his extramarital activities, etc. I wanted a nice place for me and the kids. I signed the divorce papers soon after. We were divorced in late 1996. I was still living in our shared home when Kevin started high school.
I was pretty happy being single. Kevin stayed with me half the time. The other with his dad. Andy was 17 and chose to stay with his father. My life had totally changed but I still had my family.
In December of 1997 I met Jim, my second husband. He was warm, witty and so kind to me. He wasn’t embarrassed by my handicap. We became the best of friends and married in August 2000. In 2003 my Mom came to live with us. It was wonderful to live with two people I loved and who loved me. Those are the photos that are hard to sort through. There was one cute photo of Mom, Jim and I smiling together. I was always happy to come home from work to be with my family.
We had 2 years happily dating and 12 years of marriage together. Our lives changed in an instant - when Jim fell injuring his spinal cord and becoming quadriplegic. Lucky for Jim that I was home and immediately called 911. I knew he couldn't move but I didn't realize his injury was so traumatic. We spent the night in the ER. The trauma surgeon came the next morning and told me he had a spinal cord injury. I was totally shocked. Jim had surgery that night and was admitted to ICU. It was Thanksgiving day when he had surgery that helped limit the extent of his injury. I stayed at his side as much as the hospital would let me. I found someone to stay at home with my Mom.
I don't know how long he was in ICU and then in the ward at the first hospital. We spent Christmas in the paralysis hospital. I think he spent 6 weeks there, then 3 months at a nursing home and back in the hospital for around 3 more weeks. Of course I stayed at this side as much as possible. The actual times are probbably in my late 2010 and 2011 blog posts,
Since I was away from home so much Mom had to have someone with her in the daytime. This meant I couldn't take her out to lunch and shopping anymore. She just stayed at home and became dependent on the caregivers for everything. I think this really contributed to the worsening of her dementia. I had asked my brother to take Mom in but he adamantly refused.
My son Kevin was living in Japan. My son Andy had a demanding girlfriend that kept him away from me. I was on my own. It was extremely difficult for me. I could feel depression coming on and I sought out a therapist.
Jim actually seemed to enjoy most of his time in the hospital and nursing home. He had round the clock care and different therapies and activities to participate in. He missed that when he came back home. His personality had changed. He wanted my constant attention. He became moody and angry. He refused to wear clothes - even in front of my mother.
I did the bulk of the caregiving and hired help for both he and Mom when I was at work. Mom got worse and Jim became angrier. Jim decided he was in love with one of his caregivers. She was young and knew very little English. She was supposed to take care of him and Mom and keep up with the housework. She stopped doing the housework. I spoke to Jim about it. He defended her and said her duties were just taking care of him.
He thought the problems at home were caused by my depression. I was actually getting help for depression. Jim insisted that he was fine and happy because he didn’t have to go to work. I decided to check his credit card statement. There were charges for restaurants and shopping. He was entertaining the young caregiver. I told him that it had to stop and that he had to fire her.
I put a recording device in open view in the kitchen and was able to hear what he said to her when he told her to stop coming. I heard how he had already proposed to her and given her a ring. He wanted her, not me, despite my willingness to take care of him for life.
I told him that we needed marriage counseling. We went to his former therapist whose office was about 45 minutes away. She told me to give it 3 months. I agreed. After several sessions she asked Jim how he felt about me. He looked at me and announced that he didn't love me, didn't even like me and wasn't sorry for what he did.
That was the final marriage counseling session I went to. Our marriage was over. I had given it my best shot. Caring for him was a huge chore. I won't list all it entailed. Just lifting a 40 pound wheelchair in and out of the trunk was killing my back. I didn't have 2 knees to help with the lifting.
I filed for divorce . I was worried how Jim would live but he had made his choice. It turned out the caregiver was living with her boyfriend and was pregnant. She didn't plan on marrying Jim. She thought I would leave and she could move into my house. But I was the sole owner of the house. That must have been huge disappointment for her.
It took Jim a long time to find housing with doors wide enough for his electric wheelchair and big enough for his hospital bed. I let him stay with me for a month after I filed for divorce.
I had to go to the courthouse alone to finalize the divorce. Jim couldn't get around. I emailed him once afterwards to ask him a house maintenance question. His answer was that the house was mine, not his, so figure it out.
A few months later I had to meet with him at the bank to endorse our tax return check. His new wife brought him. She was an old girlfriend that he tracked down through facebook. She had just divorced also. She flew in to see him. He immediately proposed and married soon after. I guess they are still together.
I've never seen him again since that time at the bank.
