I got to Sharpview about 1:45 today and Jim was doing PT with a new guy, Clay. They were working on board transfers. I asked Clay how much more PT Jim would need to be able to stand up. He said that Jim had a long way to go yet.
Later, Jim had OT with Holly. He worked on lifting himself up off the chair using the hand bars in the gym. After a few tries Jim was able to almost come to a full standing position with just minimal assist. I was standing in front of him and he gave me a kiss. This is a big milestone for him. Clay saw him and said that maybe he didn't have that much farther to go to stand.
I wanted to take a photo but Kevin, the head PT wouldn't let me because of the hippa law. I'll try again on Friday.
As of yesterday Dr Wenzel had not written the readmission request for Jim. I've emailed her, Liza and Sonia, the social worker. The insurance company wants Jim to get readmitted to TIRR. Since the doctor acts like she works for Aetna, not TIRR, I would think she would hustle and get the request in. I've left phone messages for her, also. Her assistant quit and no one has returned my calls. I'll try again tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
April 11, 2011
Jim and I had a quiet weekend. We watched a movie, fed the birds and visited with some of the other patients.
We watched CBS Sunday morning together. Jim fell asleep about halfway through. I took a nap after the show ended. It's hard to get a good night's sleep at the home so naps just happen.
Jim's physical therapist, Lois is on vacation this week. I hope her stand-in will do as good a job as she did.
The morning nurse, Amy and I ignored each this weekend. It was a lot better than her yelling at me.
I made scrappy flower pins for the nurses and aides. I spread them out on a tray and let them choose. They seemed really happy. Florence didn't wear hers because she didn't want to make Amy angry. I'd give Amy a pin, if she would just be nice for a change.
I have a therapy appointment this morning. I didn't feel like I got much out of our session last week. I'll give her another try today. I might have to try to contact my old therapist, Peggy Landrum. She was much better but she is not on my health insurance plan and is farther from home.
I checked with TIRR's admission department on Friday and they still had not received Dr Wenzel's request for Jim's readmission. I'll call again today. TIRR has more resources and experience to help Jim get better.
I'm hoping that TIRR will get Jim to at least be able to pull himself upright. Then he will be able to transfer to a car and go to outpatient therapy after his discharge.
I am in less pain now that I have accepted Jim's illness. Before I would wake up, look for him and be hit with reality all over again. Each time it felt like the accident happened again and I would have to go through shock once more. I would tell everyone about Jim's accident. I was trying so hard to accept it. Wellbutrin has enabled me to finally move onward in the grieving process.
We watched CBS Sunday morning together. Jim fell asleep about halfway through. I took a nap after the show ended. It's hard to get a good night's sleep at the home so naps just happen.
Jim's physical therapist, Lois is on vacation this week. I hope her stand-in will do as good a job as she did.
The morning nurse, Amy and I ignored each this weekend. It was a lot better than her yelling at me.
I made scrappy flower pins for the nurses and aides. I spread them out on a tray and let them choose. They seemed really happy. Florence didn't wear hers because she didn't want to make Amy angry. I'd give Amy a pin, if she would just be nice for a change.
I have a therapy appointment this morning. I didn't feel like I got much out of our session last week. I'll give her another try today. I might have to try to contact my old therapist, Peggy Landrum. She was much better but she is not on my health insurance plan and is farther from home.
I checked with TIRR's admission department on Friday and they still had not received Dr Wenzel's request for Jim's readmission. I'll call again today. TIRR has more resources and experience to help Jim get better.
I'm hoping that TIRR will get Jim to at least be able to pull himself upright. Then he will be able to transfer to a car and go to outpatient therapy after his discharge.
I am in less pain now that I have accepted Jim's illness. Before I would wake up, look for him and be hit with reality all over again. Each time it felt like the accident happened again and I would have to go through shock once more. I would tell everyone about Jim's accident. I was trying so hard to accept it. Wellbutrin has enabled me to finally move onward in the grieving process.
Friday, April 8, 2011
April 8, 2011: I am truly sorry.
I've been going through hell the last few months and am very stressed out.
But, that is not an excuse for hurting anyone's feelings. I'm sorry for anything that I've posted that has caused anyone pain.
My mother always told me "to think before you speak!" I wish that I had taken her advice.
When I'm blogging I don't think about who may be reading my posts. I get into a zone of just saying what's on my mind. I don't think before I write anymore than I think before I speak. I'm really trying to change that and be more mindful about what I say/write.
I've written apologies to Andy and Nina. I don't know whether they've read them or not. In case you read my blog, I'm sorry for the mindless remarks that I have made to you, Andy and Nina. I can't go back in time and take them back. I would if I could. I hope you will forgive me someday.
I'm emotionally drained right now. I worry about Jim constantly. I worry about whether I should buy an accessible van for his wheelchair. I worry about whether I should sell my house and move us all into senior living apartments. I worry about how I'll be able to care for Jim when he returns home. Where will I put his hospital bed?
Should I widen my bathroom doors. Will he ever walk again. My worries go on and on.
The doctor at TIRR told me to take one day at a time. So I haven't bought a van, remodeled my bathroom or found an apartment. I'm trying to take one day at a time. But, the doctors, insurance people, social workers keep wanting to send Jim home as soon as possible. I've got to plan some day.
But, I've gotten off track. I've said stupid things in the past and I am truly sorry about it. I'll try to do better.
But, that is not an excuse for hurting anyone's feelings. I'm sorry for anything that I've posted that has caused anyone pain.
My mother always told me "to think before you speak!" I wish that I had taken her advice.
When I'm blogging I don't think about who may be reading my posts. I get into a zone of just saying what's on my mind. I don't think before I write anymore than I think before I speak. I'm really trying to change that and be more mindful about what I say/write.
I've written apologies to Andy and Nina. I don't know whether they've read them or not. In case you read my blog, I'm sorry for the mindless remarks that I have made to you, Andy and Nina. I can't go back in time and take them back. I would if I could. I hope you will forgive me someday.
I'm emotionally drained right now. I worry about Jim constantly. I worry about whether I should buy an accessible van for his wheelchair. I worry about whether I should sell my house and move us all into senior living apartments. I worry about how I'll be able to care for Jim when he returns home. Where will I put his hospital bed?
Should I widen my bathroom doors. Will he ever walk again. My worries go on and on.
The doctor at TIRR told me to take one day at a time. So I haven't bought a van, remodeled my bathroom or found an apartment. I'm trying to take one day at a time. But, the doctors, insurance people, social workers keep wanting to send Jim home as soon as possible. I've got to plan some day.
But, I've gotten off track. I've said stupid things in the past and I am truly sorry about it. I'll try to do better.
April 8, 2011
I'm almost ready to go visit Jim. When I'm not with him I feel guilty. When I'm with him I get totally exhausted. I didn't go yesterday because I worked till 5. Our friend, Jimmy went to keep him company yesterday evening.
My son Kevin called yesterday morning with the results of Tomoko's sonogram. They're having a boy! I've got to go buy more blue yarn. They are so excited about the baby. I think they will make great parents.
My son Kevin called yesterday morning with the results of Tomoko's sonogram. They're having a boy! I've got to go buy more blue yarn. They are so excited about the baby. I think they will make great parents.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
April 6, 2011
My son Andy called me today. Even though it was a heated conversation it was nice to hear his voice again.
I write this blog because journaling is a form of therapy for me. Andy didn't appreciate me blogging about him. I don't write this blog to communicate with people personally. If I want to say something to someone, I will. I won't be posting on Andy anymore. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I will find a separate page in this blog that doesn't interface with facebook to work on my feelings that deal with him.
I've kept diaries since I was about 12 years old. I still have them.
Originally this blog was to keep track of the books I read so I wouldn't buy duplicates. Then it became a way to showcase my wearable art and crafts. I even wrote tutorials on this blog.
After Jim had his accident this blog became a way to communicate his status with family and friends. I couldn't talk to people because I kept crying. I'm better now and I do speak freely again.
Lately, I've been using this blog to hash out my feelings over the events in my life in addition to keeping family and friends informed on Jim's progress.
I find my old diaries an interesting window into my younger self. I hope that one day I will read over my blog posts and be proud that I made it through this troubling time in my life.
I write this blog because journaling is a form of therapy for me. Andy didn't appreciate me blogging about him. I don't write this blog to communicate with people personally. If I want to say something to someone, I will. I won't be posting on Andy anymore. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I will find a separate page in this blog that doesn't interface with facebook to work on my feelings that deal with him.
I've kept diaries since I was about 12 years old. I still have them.
Originally this blog was to keep track of the books I read so I wouldn't buy duplicates. Then it became a way to showcase my wearable art and crafts. I even wrote tutorials on this blog.
After Jim had his accident this blog became a way to communicate his status with family and friends. I couldn't talk to people because I kept crying. I'm better now and I do speak freely again.
Lately, I've been using this blog to hash out my feelings over the events in my life in addition to keeping family and friends informed on Jim's progress.
I find my old diaries an interesting window into my younger self. I hope that one day I will read over my blog posts and be proud that I made it through this troubling time in my life.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
April 5, 2011: Doctor's appointment
I spent last night at the home so I could go with Jim in the ambulance to his doctor's visit at TIRR. The ambulance came at 6:30 AM so we had to get up really early.
We arrived at TIRR at 7:15 AM for the 8:00 AM appointment with Dr Wenzel. The doctor said Jim had gotten much stronger. She said she will fill out re-admit papers. Jim will be able to go back to TIRR for the second round of therapy - depending on insurance approval and space at TIRR.
The doctor acted like she worked for the insurance company, not TIRR, and especially not for the patients. I gave her a copy of my orthopedist's letter stating that I'm not strong enough to care for Jim. She asked if there was anyone else at home to help. I said only my 90 year old mother and she isn't strong either.
The doctor was very concerned that we have a caregiver who can handle Jim and be willing to go to TIRR for training. I said that we did. She asked me the same question at least half a dozen times. She said that the caregiver would have to be trained early during Jim's stay. The doctor is so interested in getting Jim back home. I want him back home, too, but he needs to be able to do more for himself.
I told the doctor that our insurance won't pay for custodial care. She wanted to know if we could afford to get help. I said that I guess we'd have to or Jim would have to just lay in bed in his own mess. Or I would break my back trying to take care of him.
I told her that we have no money coming in so of course, it would be a financial burden.
We have to have "functional goals" for Jim's next stay at TIRR. I said I'd like Jim to be able to transfer himself without much assistance and use the urinal by himself. I'd like them to work on his hands, too. His fingers are so stiff. The doctor said that Jim has "clonus" in his hands. She said that they could try different techniques to help him regain use of his hands.
Hopefully, he will be readmitted soon. I'm afraid that the insurance company will want to toss Jim out of the nursing home before he can get back into TIRR.
We arrived at TIRR at 7:15 AM for the 8:00 AM appointment with Dr Wenzel. The doctor said Jim had gotten much stronger. She said she will fill out re-admit papers. Jim will be able to go back to TIRR for the second round of therapy - depending on insurance approval and space at TIRR.
The doctor acted like she worked for the insurance company, not TIRR, and especially not for the patients. I gave her a copy of my orthopedist's letter stating that I'm not strong enough to care for Jim. She asked if there was anyone else at home to help. I said only my 90 year old mother and she isn't strong either.
The doctor was very concerned that we have a caregiver who can handle Jim and be willing to go to TIRR for training. I said that we did. She asked me the same question at least half a dozen times. She said that the caregiver would have to be trained early during Jim's stay. The doctor is so interested in getting Jim back home. I want him back home, too, but he needs to be able to do more for himself.
I told the doctor that our insurance won't pay for custodial care. She wanted to know if we could afford to get help. I said that I guess we'd have to or Jim would have to just lay in bed in his own mess. Or I would break my back trying to take care of him.
I told her that we have no money coming in so of course, it would be a financial burden.
We have to have "functional goals" for Jim's next stay at TIRR. I said I'd like Jim to be able to transfer himself without much assistance and use the urinal by himself. I'd like them to work on his hands, too. His fingers are so stiff. The doctor said that Jim has "clonus" in his hands. She said that they could try different techniques to help him regain use of his hands.
Hopefully, he will be readmitted soon. I'm afraid that the insurance company will want to toss Jim out of the nursing home before he can get back into TIRR.
Friday, April 1, 2011
March 31, 2011: Good News
For the first time in over 4 months Jim urinated on his own, no catheter! This is really a giant step forward for him. He said it made him feel more normal. The doctor's assistant, Ray, had given him a urinal last week because he thought Jim was ready. He said we just had to figure out the logistics.
Jim's fingers were working better, too. The new night time gloves kept his fingers straight so they were not so tight in the morning.
He is doing better on board transfers also. Tomorrow his PT, Lois wants to teach me how to assist him. She said it won't take any lifting from me. It would really help when Jim comes home.
Jim's fingers were working better, too. The new night time gloves kept his fingers straight so they were not so tight in the morning.
He is doing better on board transfers also. Tomorrow his PT, Lois wants to teach me how to assist him. She said it won't take any lifting from me. It would really help when Jim comes home.
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