February 12, 2014: D Day Anniversary!

What a difference a year makes!  I have been a free, single woman for one whole year today.  Life is good!

Tonight I celebrated by having dinner at Olive Garden with my good friend, Bert.

My house has become a girly retreat- pink poodles, teapots and dolls abound!  I even have my own live pink poodle, Sweetsie.  I always wanted a cute female poodle.  Back in the 1950's there were all kinds of kitschy pink poodle ceramics, lamps, toys, etc.  Now my childhood dream has come true.

Sweetsie used to be white but with the help of a fruit punch koolaid rinse (no sugar added, of course), she is my little living toy.

September 8, 2013: Progress

I just did something unusual for me.

A man I dated twice told me he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level."  After the first date he was calling us "a couple."  I told him that we didn't even know each other yet.  He kept texting me all day yesterday and even asked what I was doing and where I was. I do not have to answer these questions from someone I just met.

But, I still went out to a movie with him last night.  He gave me a couple little kisses during the movie. I let him put his arm around me.  We drove back and he dropped me off on my driveway and said he was going home.  That was kind of weird.  If he wanted me to at least kiss him, he would have gotten out of the car.

Then the texts start up, again even though I told him that I don't carry my phone with me all the time and that I'm better with email.  His texts were basically an ultimatum.  Either intimacy on our next date or no more dates.  I wasn't sure if I was even attracted to him yet so I wasn't ready.  I texted him that I had read his text and was thinking of my response.  A few minutes later I get "Well?????" Then "Joann, r u going to answer???"

That was enough of that.  I emailed him (not texted) that I didn't think we were compatible and wished him luck and good bye.  He wrote me back, all in caps, seeming surprised that I was calling it quits.  He continued to send me multiple "flirts" through the dating website until I blocked him.

I know I did the right thing.  It was nice to have him take me to the movies but I wasn't really into him. Last night on the way back to my house he stopped on the side of 45 and started looking for a cd.  I told him that that made me uncomfortable but he didn't respond, just kept digging through his cd's.  If a man isn't respectful to a woman in the very beginning of a relationship, that does not bode well for the future. Plus, if he wanted some affection, he could have at least gotten out of the car.

Anyway, I am actually proud of myself.  I didn't like him being so pushy and bossy.  He didn't listen to me nor did he have much to talk about.  (He had told me a bunch of his physical ailments during our first date. We all have our share of problems at this age but he told me some of his physical shortcomings that made him very unattractive for intimacy - ever.)

Onward!

September 3, 2013: Match.com

Today I cancelled my Match.com account.  Every day Match would email me with 24 "matches."
These men rarely were compatible with what I was looking for.  I would go through their profiles.  It was disheartening to read profiles that only jived with my search criteria in terms of being "male."

I didn't match what they wanted either.

90% of the "matches" I received were for men looking for "slender" or "athletic and toned" women.  I am neither of those.  More than half of these men were far from being slender or athletic and toned themselves.  (Oh, to be a man and have such a wonderful body image of myself!)

 I also listed myself as "spiritual but not religious."  I'd get profiles of men stating how they were looking for the woman "god meant " for them to meet and men whose only reading material was the bible.

I'm a liberal and I'd get profiles of men who listed themselves as ultra-conservative.  (I don't understand how someone "religious" can reconcile himself with being "ultra-conservative."  But, that would entail an entirely different post.)

There are other dating websites that are far superior to Match.com and some of them are free.  One site doesn't allow anyone more than 13 years younger or older contact you.  I love this site! Another free site gives you the opportunity to answer a variety of questions.  When you open up a man's profile there is a tab "y'all have issues."  Click on that tab and you can compare your answers to theirs.  What a great website!

I've given out my card to some of the men I've met.   I am not going to name these sites just in case one them were to check my blog.  Let them do their own web research.

August 29, 2013

The dating world is a tough scene.  I met a guy I really liked.  We were supposed to go out tomorrow.  He emailed me that he is in another relationship and cancelled our date.

That's the trouble with online dating.  It's kind of like a smörgåsbord  (buffet - but I like the sound of smorgasbord better) of people:  try this one, go for that one...

When you're on one of the websites you can see if someone you've been in contact with is also on the website.  So, you're chatting with someone nice.  You log back in later and he is still there, presumably chatting up someone else.

It's disheartening.  But, it's part of the process.  You have to be willing to be hurt and rejected and hope a good one comes along and stays put!

I'm guilty, too.  I had the date for tomorrow but I still responded to emails from the dating sites.  It's necessary to not be exclusive to someone without the expressed agreement to be only with each other. Both parties have to agree.  If one doesn't live up to the promise, then you have a legitimate reason to be upset.

Maybe I'll just go get a dog.

August 22, 2013:

Just now I almost published my blog that is private.  That would have been interesting to a few people!

I was looking at the dating sites and reading men's profiles.  They all purport to wanting friendship that would hopefully grow into an intimate loving relationship.

If that were true for at least half the men, finding a good man would be a lot easier.  Unfortunately the web is full of weirdos and crazies.  I don't mind the weirdos but the crazies scare me.  The guy I spoke to yesterday revealed his nasty temper.  I'm glad I never was alone with him.

I think some of the men have gotten burned out, too.  They rarely visit the dating sites.  (You can tell when somebody last logged on.)

Still, internet dating does really expand the quantity of men that I could meet.  I just need one - someone intelligent with good self esteem who is ready to love and be loved.

2013-08-12: Why bother?

I'm back in the dating world again.  It just takes work, willingness to take rejection, trial and error.  But, am I wasting my time?

I have been married twice.  In the first one I was unhappy most of the time for 23 years.  But, I married "for life."  It's just that my spouse didn't see it that way.  He wanted to stay married until something better came along.

Then I married a second time.  I was happy for the first 10 years.  My spouse had a terrible accident.  I stayed by his side and gave him as much support and encouragement as I could.  His accident sent him on a downward mental spiral.  I stuck with him even after heartbreak and betrayal.  It was futile.  More years wasted.

Of course considering my time wasted presupposes that my life is supposed to serve some sort of purpose.  That is not me being negative, just objective.

I think a person should try and be as happy as possible during her lifetime.  So, in that respect, I have had a lot of failure.  I have had success also - 2 wonderful sons and a sweet grandson that I love spending time with, good friends, a job that I enjoy, meaningful hobbies, etc.

But, my alone time can be difficult.  I don't like living without a partner.  But, did I ever really have one at all?  Is it worth trying again?

I have had friends tell me to just get a dog.  A dog can be a wonderful companion.  Maybe I'll get one soon.  But, a dog is a dependent, not a partner.  I guess I'll keep looking.  If I don't find love, maybe I can at least have fun trying.