April 24, 2011

Five months ago at this time I was sitting in the ER while Jim was getting x-rayed and MRI-ed. That night began this terribly difficult journey.

This may have been our last weekend at Sharpview. Jim will admitted back to TIRR as soon as a bed becomes available. I carried some of his things home with me to get prepared for the move.

Jim was acting very bossy today. He wanted me to wait at the back door while Florence rescued a baby bird in the rear courtyard. He has the room next to the back door. I wanted to watch her out the window in his room. He was getting all upset that I wasn't doing what he wanted. When she started heading back to the door I got up and let her in. Maybe she waited 10 seconds for me to open the door.

I think he really wants to be in control. He must feel so powerless stuck in bed or his wheelchair. However, even though I understand I don't want him to get angry with me. I felt like just going home. But, I stayed with him until 7 PM.

We just sat around all day. We were feeding the birds when we were surprised by Lupita wheeling Mom up the sidewalk. She misses Jim, too.

After they left we went back inside and talked with Marty, the guy who hangs out at the nursing home. Jim was happily talking about music with him. Marty can play a song by ear on the piano. I sat listening to them while I sewed a little doll pin.

After Marty left we went back to Jim's room. Jim got his blood sugar checked and got his meds. Then we had another surprise. Jim and Honey came to visit. They were so sweet to come and visit us. They stayed until Jim's dinner tray arrived.

I helped Jim with dinner and set up his teeth brushing stuff. He got mad at me again because I hadn't left the bathroom door all the way open. He had to push it with his chair.

It's hard enough to spend 99% of my free time with Jim at the nursing home. It's even harder when he gets mad at me.

I'm feeling stressed because I know that his time in TIRR will be difficult. TIRR tries to get the family to do all the day to day care of the patient. Last time I injured my back right away and it still hurts. TIRR doesn't even provide soap or a toothbrush for their patients.

I worked very hard caring for Jim when he was at TIRR. I'm not looking forward to injuring myself again. Plus, it's emotionally difficult there. The doctor and therapists keep trying to push you out the door. I don't understand why. They know spinal cord injured patients need lots of care. Why are they in such a hurry? Is TIRR somehow indebted to an insurance company?

When we saw the doctor on April 5th she seemed unconcerned about Jim's need for treatment and overwhelmingly worried about the insurance company. That kind of behavior is emotionally draining.

TIRR has superior equipment and Jim will see a doctor every day. I hope it will be a more positive experience for both of us during his second round at TIRR.