2013-08-12: Why bother?

I'm back in the dating world again.  It just takes work, willingness to take rejection, trial and error.  But, am I wasting my time?

I have been married twice.  In the first one I was unhappy most of the time for 23 years.  But, I married "for life."  It's just that my spouse didn't see it that way.  He wanted to stay married until something better came along.

Then I married a second time.  I was happy for the first 10 years.  My spouse had a terrible accident.  I stayed by his side and gave him as much support and encouragement as I could.  His accident sent him on a downward mental spiral.  I stuck with him even after heartbreak and betrayal.  It was futile.  More years wasted.

Of course considering my time wasted presupposes that my life is supposed to serve some sort of purpose.  That is not me being negative, just objective.

I think a person should try and be as happy as possible during her lifetime.  So, in that respect, I have had a lot of failure.  I have had success also - 2 wonderful sons and a sweet grandson that I love spending time with, good friends, a job that I enjoy, meaningful hobbies, etc.

But, my alone time can be difficult.  I don't like living without a partner.  But, did I ever really have one at all?  Is it worth trying again?

I have had friends tell me to just get a dog.  A dog can be a wonderful companion.  Maybe I'll get one soon.  But, a dog is a dependent, not a partner.  I guess I'll keep looking.  If I don't find love, maybe I can at least have fun trying.