This is a personal journal entry.

I lost a friend this week.  We would hang out about once a week.  We went to the coast one day, Sauvie Island another day.  We made lunch for each other.  We had plans this week to go to the OMSI museum.  I was looking forward to it.  And he wanted to come over and watch Borat's second movie.

No, he didn't die.  He said he wanted to "take a break."  He gave no reason for this.  At first I thought it was all about me.  I thought I had said or done something wrong.  Then I realized that the last time I saw him he told me to arrange for the museum's tickets.  It can't be about me.  Most likely another woman has come into his life - either a new person or an old girlfriend.

Last Thursday he told me he was tired and congested.  I checked in on him by text on Friday.  He didn't respond.  I tried Saturday.  I texted once and then called and left a message.  My family comes for dinner on Sundays.  I was worried that maybe he had the virus and that I had been exposed.

I texted him again telling him that I needed to know if it was necessary for me to isolate from my family.

He responded to this text.  He said he was okay and that he would email me on Sunday.  That was kind of weird because he likes to talk on the phone.

On Saturday night I made meatballs and sauce for the family dinner.  I made enough for him and I to have for lunch later,  Sunday morning I got the "take a break" email.  I responded that I was disappointed and could he give me a reason.  It would be nice if he would respond but he hasn't.  That makes it doubtful that I will see him again.

He was a very sweet person, kind and caring.  I had really enjoyed his company.  He never approached me physically.  That was okay with me, though I do enjoy more closeness.  Friendship is very important to me.

It's been difficult for me to find a companion since I've been in Portland.  I think I wrote about the woman friend that I had.  We had lots in common, went shopping, lunch, plays, some sewing together.  She basically dumped me.  She wouldn't say why.  Finally after a month or so, I took her aside at a sewing meeting and asked her why she was mad at me.  She said she wasn't mad, just tired of hearing about the bus accident.  I guess that makes sense considering the timing.  She dumped me on the same day that I found out that I would need bone graft surgery.  I guess we were really never friends if she would do that to me.

Last year I met a nice man.  We dated for a few months.  Then I didn't hear from him.  Finally after he told me that he had gone back to an old girlfriend.

When I look at men's profiles on line I feel undesirable.  The men here all want to camp and hike.  I wish I could do those things.  I can't ride a bike, take long walks, squat in a forest, etc. It's beautiful in Oregon.  I enjoy the nature here in a more limited way.

Even though my chances seem slim I joined an online dating site this week.  Maybe one day I will find a significant other or at least a pleasant companion.