Thursday, August 29, 2013

August 29, 2013

The dating world is a tough scene.  I met a guy I really liked.  We were supposed to go out tomorrow.  He emailed me that he is in another relationship and cancelled our date.

That's the trouble with online dating.  It's kind of like a smörgåsbord  (buffet - but I like the sound of smorgasbord better) of people:  try this one, go for that one...

When you're on one of the websites you can see if someone you've been in contact with is also on the website.  So, you're chatting with someone nice.  You log back in later and he is still there, presumably chatting up someone else.

It's disheartening.  But, it's part of the process.  You have to be willing to be hurt and rejected and hope a good one comes along and stays put!

I'm guilty, too.  I had the date for tomorrow but I still responded to emails from the dating sites.  It's necessary to not be exclusive to someone without the expressed agreement to be only with each other. Both parties have to agree.  If one doesn't live up to the promise, then you have a legitimate reason to be upset.

Maybe I'll just go get a dog.

Monday, August 26, 2013

August 26, 2013: Walking - again!

Walking is definitely my favorite form of exercise.  Back in my college days I would walk the loop around the campus of SUNY Albany.  That was back in the olden days before walking and jogging became popular.  I'd be pretty much alone the whole time - no other walkers.  Drivers always wanted to give me a ride - of course, I was pretty cute back then.

I've walked between 1 and 2 miles three times in the last 5 days.  I am ecstatic!  It has been years since I could indulge myself.

First, I had the left knee problem - no cartilage, but I kept walking.  The torn achilles tendon finally did me in.  I had that repaired in 2010 along with a knee replacement.  All I had to do was wait until I healed and I'd be able to walk again.  Then 2 toes on my right foot decided to buckle under - I couldn't wear anything but sandals.

I would have just walked in sandals but then the ex' accident happened in November 2010.  My only walking was up and down the hospital hallways.

Now I'm free- AT LAST!  I had my toes fixed in May 2013.  They are all healed and I bought a pair of walking shoes.

It was raining earlier this morning so I thought I would have to just use my indoor bicycle.  Then I saw on the news that it was in the 70's.  I couldn't pass up the opportunity to walk in relatively cool weather (for Houston).

My varicose veins are still acting up but I think the walking will settle them down soon.  Yesterday I spoke to my brother.  He has the same problem.  He had a vascular ultrasound last week, too.  This is old hat to me.  But, John isn't familiar with the vein thing.  Mine started when I was pregnant with my second baby.  Mostly they don't bother me at all - just look ugly.  My brother is a professional golfer.  He exercises all the time.  I guess I'm lucky that my problem isn't worse since I'm female, pleasantly plump and was relatively sedentary for the last few years.


Thursday, August 22, 2013

August 22, 2013:

Just now I almost published my blog that is private.  That would have been interesting to a few people!

I was looking at the dating sites and reading men's profiles.  They all purport to wanting friendship that would hopefully grow into an intimate loving relationship.

If that were true for at least half the men, finding a good man would be a lot easier.  Unfortunately the web is full of weirdos and crazies.  I don't mind the weirdos but the crazies scare me.  The guy I spoke to yesterday revealed his nasty temper.  I'm glad I never was alone with him.

I think some of the men have gotten burned out, too.  They rarely visit the dating sites.  (You can tell when somebody last logged on.)

Still, internet dating does really expand the quantity of men that I could meet.  I just need one - someone intelligent with good self esteem who is ready to love and be loved.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

August 20, 2013: Dating

I haven't blogged about my dating experiences.  My friends know all about them.

It's funny when I'm married, I am totally faithful.  My first husband moved out of my bedroom 2 years before I had even filed for divorce.  It was a painful time and I needed my friends' support.  I never even looked at other men.

After the divorce was final I got "boy crazy."  My friend Susin was relieved when I met my second husband so I would quit talking about men.

My second husband got injured and became quadriplegic on 11/21/2010.  In 2012 he wanted to end our marriage to marry his young caregiver. Our divorce was final on 02/12/2013.  So I had another 2 years without a man in my bed.  Again I remained completely faithful.

I joined my first dating site the day my divorce was final.  I figured I had already mourned the loss of my relationship with my husband - first, after his injury and then again after his betrayal.

So, here I am "boy crazy" again.  You'd think I would be too old for this.

I'm not going to blog about my dating.  I have actually done quite well on the dating websites, even though the younger women try to date the older men.  The dates I have had are with men mature enough to know that the younger women are not looking for their companionship.  Those women are after their money.

I do consider my life as pretty much an open book.  But, my dating experiences are private.  Besides, I know my ex-husband reads my blog and he can go get his own thrills.  He is no longer my problem and I wish him no harm.

Also, I have given out my blog address to a couple of the men I have met so they can know more about me.  I respect their privacy.  I keep an unpublished journal for my new experiences.

Monday, August 12, 2013

2013-08-12: Bra Tutorial

It's necessary for me to wear supportive bras with underwires.  The good ones are very expensive.

I've found that the expensive ones as well as the cheapos end up with the same problem:  the underwire pokes a hole through its casing and starts jabbing into my body.

When that happens I push the wire back into place, sew up the hole and cover it with a piece of felt.

The stubborn underwire eventually breaks through the felt making it necessary to repeat the repair.

Then I realized that I could use a non-tear material that is actually washable:  "Tyvek*."  (I actually got this idea after watching World War Z.  The humans covered their limbs with tyvek because it protected them from zombie bites.)

These are the steps I take now to repair bra tears.

Notice the yellow underwire poking out of its casing.

I used "tyvek" material from a used FedEx envelope.

Cut a small strip of "tyvek" and a slightly larger piece of felt.

First, I sewed the "tyvek" over the torn portion of the hole made by the protruding underwire.

I sewed the piece of felt onto the bra, covering the "tyvek."  The felt feels more comfortable against the skin than "tyvek."

Here is the finished repair.  The flesh colored felt blends neatly with the bra.

 This repair will extend the life of the bra immensely.  Now the bra is wearable until I wear out the elastic in the back.  Then it's time to go bra shopping again!

Since the initial discovery in 1955 that led to Tyvek®, DuPont has been a recognized global leader in selective barrier technology. Lightweight and durable, DuPont™ Tyvek® has introduced new dimensions of protection, security and safety in a wide variety of industries.

2013-08-12: Why bother?

I'm back in the dating world again.  It just takes work, willingness to take rejection, trial and error.  But, am I wasting my time?

I have been married twice.  In the first one I was unhappy most of the time for 23 years.  But, I married "for life."  It's just that my spouse didn't see it that way.  He wanted to stay married until something better came along.

Then I married a second time.  I was happy for the first 10 years.  My spouse had a terrible accident.  I stayed by his side and gave him as much support and encouragement as I could.  His accident sent him on a downward mental spiral.  I stuck with him even after heartbreak and betrayal.  It was futile.  More years wasted.

Of course considering my time wasted presupposes that my life is supposed to serve some sort of purpose.  That is not me being negative, just objective.

I think a person should try and be as happy as possible during her lifetime.  So, in that respect, I have had a lot of failure.  I have had success also - 2 wonderful sons and a sweet grandson that I love spending time with, good friends, a job that I enjoy, meaningful hobbies, etc.

But, my alone time can be difficult.  I don't like living without a partner.  But, did I ever really have one at all?  Is it worth trying again?

I have had friends tell me to just get a dog.  A dog can be a wonderful companion.  Maybe I'll get one soon.  But, a dog is a dependent, not a partner.  I guess I'll keep looking.  If I don't find love, maybe I can at least have fun trying.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

August 4, 2013

Yesterday was Mama's birthday.  Andy and I met up at the private care home, Bedford Place, where Mom resides.  She was happy to see us.  I don't think she realized it was her birthday.  She was amazed that she was now 92 years old.

I definitely understand her amazement.  Everyday I wonder "how the hell did I get so old?"

Coincidently, last month, I bought tickets for the Tamarie Cooper Show for 8/3/2013.  The show was about growing old.  Tamarie thought she was old at 42!  I thought I was old when I was 42, also.  I think it is probably a universal thought for people who are "lucky" enough to grow old.

Tamarie writes these semi-autobiographical plays every year or so and the plays are performed at the Catastrophic Theater.  I wonder if she will look back at her current production in 20 years and think about how she wasn't really old in 2013.

I don't like to admit my age.  Most days I don't feel old.  Lately, I feel young!

In 1969 I was in a car accident that shattered my left kneecap.  It was surgically removed which gave my leg an immediate 30% loss of strength and mobility.  That disability became worse as I grew older and chubbier.  In 2010 I had a knee replacement in that leg.  The doctor advised against trying to give me a new kneecap so I still have a disability.

I had a few months of physical therapy which stopped when my (ex) husband had his terrible accident.

I have been free now to pursue further rehabilitation. My ex decided to destroy our marriage and the divorce was final in February.  I have been doing rehab on my own.  Since then I have learned to walk without the security of my cane and I forced myself to learn how to go down a flight of stairs like a "normal" person.

For the first time in many years my leg no longer aches.  I feel great!  So, why can't I reverse my age?

Other days I feel really old.  How can I be so old and divorced again?  The only sensible answer is "shit happens."

I can only hope that "shit" stops happening to me.  I try not to think about the future and live in the present.  That is not always possible.  I realize that what happened in my life in the past 3 years was lightyears beyond my imagination.  So what else could be in store for me?

That causes my depression to make another appearance.  I have been battling depression for years, all my life maybe.  I'm strong and resilient.  I can say that because I am still alive and actually doing quite well.  I am extremely grateful for the antidepressants that contribute to my strength to fight.  I'm not sure I would have survived these past few years without them.

It's weird.  When I started this post I was planning to write about how much fun I had with my friend, Lupita last night.  We went to the play.  I got kind of lost driving home.  We just laughed when I finally acknowledged that the compass in my car was correct and I was wrong.  I thought I was going south towards home, even though the compass said we were going north.  I made a u-turn and drove down Shepherd.  All that driving around made us hungry.  We stopped at the 59 Diner and ate salads and fried mushrooms and laughed.

Life is good.
Mom on her 92nd birthday

me at the theater
Lupita at the 59 Diner