I definitely understand her amazement. Everyday I wonder "how the hell did I get so old?"
Coincidently, last month, I bought tickets for the Tamarie Cooper Show for 8/3/2013. The show was about growing old. Tamarie thought she was old at 42! I thought I was old when I was 42, also. I think it is probably a universal thought for people who are "lucky" enough to grow old.
Tamarie writes these semi-autobiographical plays every year or so and the plays are performed at the Catastrophic Theater. I wonder if she will look back at her current production in 20 years and think about how she wasn't really old in 2013.
I don't like to admit my age. Most days I don't feel old. Lately, I feel young!
In 1969 I was in a car accident that shattered my left kneecap. It was surgically removed which gave my leg an immediate 30% loss of strength and mobility. That disability became worse as I grew older and chubbier. In 2010 I had a knee replacement in that leg. The doctor advised against trying to give me a new kneecap so I still have a disability.
I had a few months of physical therapy which stopped when my (ex) husband had his terrible accident.
I have been free now to pursue further rehabilitation. My ex decided to destroy our marriage and the divorce was final in February. I have been doing rehab on my own. Since then I have learned to walk without the security of my cane and I forced myself to learn how to go down a flight of stairs like a "normal" person.
For the first time in many years my leg no longer aches. I feel great! So, why can't I reverse my age?
Other days I feel really old. How can I be so old and divorced again? The only sensible answer is "shit happens."
I can only hope that "shit" stops happening to me. I try not to think about the future and live in the present. That is not always possible. I realize that what happened in my life in the past 3 years was lightyears beyond my imagination. So what else could be in store for me?
That causes my depression to make another appearance. I have been battling depression for years, all my life maybe. I'm strong and resilient. I can say that because I am still alive and actually doing quite well. I am extremely grateful for the antidepressants that contribute to my strength to fight. I'm not sure I would have survived these past few years without them.
It's weird. When I started this post I was planning to write about how much fun I had with my friend, Lupita last night. We went to the play. I got kind of lost driving home. We just laughed when I finally acknowledged that the compass in my car was correct and I was wrong. I thought I was going south towards home, even though the compass said we were going north. I made a u-turn and drove down Shepherd. All that driving around made us hungry. We stopped at the 59 Diner and ate salads and fried mushrooms and laughed.
Life is good.
|Mom on her 92nd birthday|
|me at the theater|
|Lupita at the 59 Diner|