Tuesday, December 24, 2013

December 24, 2013: Christmas Eve

This Christmas is much easier than last year.  I was still married last year at this time but in the process of divorce.

I let "he who does not deserve a name" stay in my house until January 14, 2013.  I filed for divorce on December 12, 2012.

I don't even remember last year's Christmas eve.  Tonight my friend, Bert is coming over and he will make a seafood dinner.  When we are alone together we have a good time. We enjoy each other's company.

Tomorrow Andy will make brunch.  My friends, Jimmy, Lupita and Woodie are coming over, too. They are like family to me.  We've celebrated holidays together for years now.

Jimmy was my ex' friend originally.  As the years passed I grew closer to Jimmy and his wife, Lupita. In the last couple of years my ex did not only reject me but also his friends.  If I were a psychologist, I would say that Jim was projecting his feelings of self-loathing on those closest to him.

I am lucky.  My self-esteem is growing.  I regret all the years I spent with men who did not love me. But, at least, I am capable of loving.  Despite all the beating down from these men, I am resilient.  It has taken work.  I have been working with a therapist for the last couple of years.  She has the training and experience from years of helping people.  I listen and learn from her.

I am looking forward to a new year untainted by an unhappy marriage.

No comments: