I was aware that life as I had known it was over. I've recovered from the shock of his accident and I've even gotten over the shock of his later behavior.
But, I'm still mourning the loss of how my life used to be. I was married to my best friend. My mother lived with us. I was never lonely. Of course we had our ups and downs but overall we were happy.
Now I miss the lifestyle. We had a good relationship. We took short trips frequently, played cards with friends, had real conversations, faced life's problems together. I had hoped I could have a similar life again. It's been 6 years and I have been trying to rebuild my life.
I guess I'm lucky that I had those happy 10 years. I still hope to make a happy life for myself. I've learned that I have to be independent. I enjoyed sharing the responsibility of home ownership with my husband. It's difficult to do alone.
I'm ready to give up owning a home. It's so expensive and I worry about flooding, property taxes, roof leaks, etc. etc. My plan is to move to an independent senior living apartment in Portland, Oregon. My rent will cover a 2 bedroom apartment, 2 meals per day, covered parking, maid service and some entertainment. I will have to give up some privacy, a roomy house and 2 of my cats. But, I will be in a group environment and no longer alone. My son, daughter-in-law and 2 grandchildren will only be 6 miles away from my apartment.
The other residents are mostly 10 - 20 years older than me. But the years go by quickly and I'll be the OLD one soon enough.
In my senior years I hope to more fully explore my hobbies, especially doll making, do more exercise, explore the Northwest, go on an Alaskan cruise, travel and spend lots of time with my grandchildren. I would also enjoy a part time job so I will be part of mainstream society.
The future looks promising.