I finished! I've packed up all non-essentials in the house. It took me a month of sorting, organizing, donating, packing to get to this point. Tonight was my first evening "off."
It's been a painful process. I bought my house with loads of promise. I didn't have to do all the work. I had a partner. Now, I'm selling the house - alone.
It is no blessing to have a good memory. I remember who gave me the various gifts for my first wedding or my second wedding- for marriages that were supposed to last a lifetime. I've found cards swearing eternal love from both of my ex-husbands. No point in holding on to them so I threw those notes away.
I'm so envious of people who have had long and mostly happy marriages. Where did I go wrong? I guess I made bad choices. I know I have my shortcomings. Things became difficult but I always remained loyal to my husbands. Unfortunately I did not inspire their loyalty to me.
I'll move to Portland soon and get a fresh start on a new life. I won't be alone there. My son and his family will be my support system.