Thursday, August 27, 2015

August 27, 2015

Today there is an article in the newspaper about the tenth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.  It seemed like it happened a year or two ago to me.  Another part of aging, I guess- time speeds up.

It coincided with the first day that my ex was allowed to leave the county.  That's a long story in itself that I'm not ready to tell yet.

We packed up Mom, Sizzle and Beansie, Nickie and drove to Fort Worth to stay with my cousin, Rosemary.  I have many pleasant memories of our time staying with Rosemary.  It was nice to reconnect with family.

It seems so strange now.  I spoke to Rosemary on the phone a couple of months ago.  I'm still and always will be connected to her.  She's family. 

The person that I was so close to, who seemed a part of me - my ex - is no longer connected to me at all and never will be again.  He was my closest friend.

This proves to me that the saying "blood is thicker than water" is true.  Too bad it took me decades to understand that.  Understanding so many things comes with age.

I wouldn't want to go back in time.  But, I'd love to feel younger physically. 

Life is still scary to me.  I know that anything can happen at any moment and it's totally out of my control.  I think that is why depressed people commit suicide.  They are aware of our human limitations on deciding our own fates. At least they can control when they die.

I'm not depressed these days.  I have a good life now.  I have many wonderful memories of my old life.  If I didn't think so damned much, I wouldn't think about things like aging, time flying, family vs friends. 

I keep busy with my job, spending time with Bert, working on my creative projects.  I'm lucky.

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