Sunday, August 14, 2011

August 14, 2011: Sunday

We had a relaxing Sunday today. I can't believe it's almost over. I still have so much more that I want to accomplish.

Jim and I watched "Sunday Morning." I made another little scrappy doll while we watched TV. I think I make dolls when I'm depressed. The last time I was in a big doll making mood was the last couple years of my first marriage. I made a bunch of dolls during that period. Now I'm making little dolls out of scraps and bits and pieces of lace, ribbon, yarn, etc.

I guess it's a kind of therapy for me. I also knit a lot. In the early days of Jim's hospitalization Mary Haper came to visit. She noticed that I wasn't knitting. I was too distraught to do much of anything, other than be with Jim. I started knitting again after a couple of weeks. My grief therapist says knitting is one of the most calming activities one can do. Guess it's a good thing that I enjoy it.

I spent a lot of time organizing my chest of drawers today. I just threw things into it for all the months when I spent my free time at the hospital or nursing home. How come when you clean it's gets very messy before it actually gets clean? I probably left stuff all over the bed that I will have to put up before I can get into it.

I still suffer from a terrible sadness. I am grieving for my former life with Jim. Jim says that I'm taking his injury harder than he is.

Today I wanted to pull down a box from the closet. My first thought was to get Jim to help me. Then it hit me again - I'm the only one who can do anything. I'm the only one in the family who can take out the trash, get the mail, fetch the newspaper, make meals, buy groceries, etc, etc. It's a very lonely realization. It also is very tiring.

I need to go to bed.

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