Friday, April 8, 2011

April 8, 2011: I am truly sorry.

I've been going through hell the last few months and am very stressed out.

But, that is not an excuse for hurting anyone's feelings. I'm sorry for anything that I've posted that has caused anyone pain.

My mother always told me "to think before you speak!" I wish that I had taken her advice.

When I'm blogging I don't think about who may be reading my posts. I get into a zone of just saying what's on my mind. I don't think before I write anymore than I think before I speak. I'm really trying to change that and be more mindful about what I say/write.

I've written apologies to Andy and Nina. I don't know whether they've read them or not. In case you read my blog, I'm sorry for the mindless remarks that I have made to you, Andy and Nina. I can't go back in time and take them back. I would if I could. I hope you will forgive me someday.

I'm emotionally drained right now. I worry about Jim constantly. I worry about whether I should buy an accessible van for his wheelchair. I worry about whether I should sell my house and move us all into senior living apartments. I worry about how I'll be able to care for Jim when he returns home. Where will I put his hospital bed?
Should I widen my bathroom doors. Will he ever walk again. My worries go on and on.

The doctor at TIRR told me to take one day at a time. So I haven't bought a van, remodeled my bathroom or found an apartment. I'm trying to take one day at a time. But, the doctors, insurance people, social workers keep wanting to send Jim home as soon as possible. I've got to plan some day.

But, I've gotten off track. I've said stupid things in the past and I am truly sorry about it. I'll try to do better.

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