I spent yesterday afternoon and evening at TIRR with Jim. I didn't want to go. Being there brought up the old memories of our first go-round there. There is so much pain at that place. The staff actually act quite positive. There are photos along the hallways of patients who had been through the TIRR experience and a write up of what they are doing now. The hospital tries to be a positive happy place.
It doesn't work for me. Jim is 100 times better now than he was during his last stay. But, I'm not. I still cry and grieve for my lost way of life. I come home and see the Texas Highways magazine that I had subscribed to in October, 2010. We had plans for little weekend trips in Texas. We were best friends experiencing happy events together. Now we are best friends experiencing physical struggles together.
I know that am lucky to still have him. Jim came close to death in the beginning. His heart rate would dip into the 30's.
TIRR is the right place for Jim. He sees a specialist every day. The therapists are trained for spinal cord injured patients. Yesterday a Metro bus came to the hospital to teach the patients about the bus system. Each bus has 2 wheelchair places. The driver will tie down the chair and be sure that the passenger gets on and off the bus safely.
I guess my big problem is actually my loss of blinders. I see so many people at TIRR whose lives turned to crap in just seconds. It could happen to me, my sons, anyone. At the nursing home I saw the pain of getting old. The only escape from old age is to die young. There is no escape or luck to get past these realities.