Thursday, January 20, 2011

January 20, 2011

This morning I heard the news that Gabrielle Gifford will be getting treatment at TIRR. I tried to call Jim and let him know. I wanted to tell him that it's good that he is leaving TIRR next week before the media circus begins. It's so hard not to be able to talk to Jim unless I go to the hospital. He can't pick up the phone yet. I hoped that a nurse would be in his room and hand it to him. I've ordered him bluetooth for his cell phone so we can communicate.

I had to stop at the front desk and sign in. There's more security in preparation for Ms Gifford's arrival.

Jim was supposed to get a bone scan. The doctor ordered it yesterday afternoon but he still hadn't gotten it when I was there this evening. He didn't ask the nurse or the doctor about it. I wish he would stand up for himself when I'm not with him. He could at least ask about the test. He didn't take his wheelchair gloves to OT or PT today. I put them in a bag with a big note to take them with him.

Andy phoned me today. I was at the office. He told me that there was so much family drama during the holidays and that I'm not positive. So, he hasn't wanted to be in contact with me. I tried to explain to him that I am in mourning. Yes, Jim is still alive and yes, he was/is a good and loving husband. But, I still mourn what his accident has done to him and to our lives together. Of course, we will do the best we can. But, grieving over this loss is quite normal. I can't pretend that nothing has changed.

I used to say that I didn't see my son as often as I'd like but he would be there if I needed him. I really need him now. My life has changed and it has changed me. Every day for the past 2 months I visit my husband as he lies paralyzed. I am not the cheerful person that I was a few months ago. I can't imagine how anyone could possibly expect me to be.

Tomorrow I will spend the whole day with Jim. I'll check with the doctor about the bone test, check on the use of a manual wheelchair and try to get a replacement for the missing kickstand on his night time boot.

1 comment:

Dee said...

I cannot tell you how many times Anthony has said that to me. Easy for him to say as, if I am negative at all, it's because of the problems he causes for me and how nasty he gets. Today he had a huge paranoia thing after spending two days with strangers doing drugs--ran out of there and got somebody to get the police for him. He had a medical emergency for about 6 hours and then it was just psych. He is in the hospital psych ward now. I think that "negative" means we do not agree with them, or are saying something they don't want to hear. He should man up and help you. Andy, if you are reading this, grow a pair and help your mom through this very tough time! She's your mother--you MUST do the right thing. Even if she is negative. Can you tell I have lost my patience with grown men still acting like spoiled babies?