Every Wednesday we get a scare that Aetna won't let Jim continue at Sharpview. It's very stressful.
My doctor upped my dose of wellbutrin. Without it I just cry all the time. Even with it, I cry a lot. Everything reminds of Jim and our former lives. I drive by restaurants and movie theaters that we went to together. I wonder if we'll ever go there again and what it will be like going with Jim in a wheelchair. I sit at his desk to do his paperwork. I look at his handwritten notes and I wonder if he'll ever be able to write legibly again.
I know that I shouldn't dwell on these thoughts. But, I'm finding it impossible. It's easier when I'm busy at work. It keeps my mind occupied. At night I read novels so that I can fall asleep with other thoughts in my head besides our problems.
I'm going to a dermatologist today to check me for skin cancers. It's just routine. I'm trying to get all my personal stuff taken care of before Jim is sent home. Next up- mammogram!