I had to look for Jim's credit card this morning to pay the tax people. He had receipts from our last trip together in his wallet. We went to New Braunfels the weekend before his accident. It brought up the memories of Jim walking and driving, being the strong one. As a result I'm teary eyed this morning. But it's a normal sadness. I'm not having any suicidal thoughts. My medicine is working.
I saw a new therapist on Monday. She said I was coping well and doing everything that I could to help Jim and myself. I have paid up all my out-of-pocket fees so I don't have to pay a co-pay. Since it won't cost me more money I made weekly appointments with her. I need all the help that I can get.
She told me that some people's reaction to a tragedy is withdrawal. They can't cope or empathize with the other person's pain or needs. I guess that's how my Andy is reacting. When I told him to think of how he would feel if Nina got hurt, he told me that it would never happen to either of them because they take good care of themselves and are vegans. I do hope it never happens to either of them. But, it was an accident, not a result of Jim's lifestyle. My therapist, Stella is going to help me with grieving about Jim and Andy. I don't know what the future holds for either of them. Jim is getting stronger. There is still hope that he will walk again. Andy hasn't called me in a couple of months. I miss him but I'm leaving him alone. I hope he will come to terms with how things are now and be a part of my life again soon.
I know that I am so much better now. I'm eating healthier, dressing nicer and am interested in my hobbies again. I'm trying to enjoy the time that I have before Jim is sent home. It will be so difficult then.
I'm not going to visit Jim after work today. It's too hard after a full day at the office. I'm sending Lupita to massage him. The days that I go straight home after work seem like a mini vacation. It is so much work when I visit Jim. I have to keep jumping up when he needs something and help the CNA's with moving him around. At least last night he stayed in his chair longer so he fed himself, brushed his teeth and washed his hands.