It's Tuesday and I'm back in the office. I am able to feel like my life hasn't drastically changed while I'm here. I don't have the need to tell people about Jim's accident so much anymore. I think I did it before because I was trying to make it more real. The first step of mourning is denial. That is so painful. It's a kind of numb feeling. Then you go to bed and you are all alone. That jolts you back to reality with a vengeance. In my own way I was trying to move on past that step.
My son Andy thought I was being so negative because I had told the waiter at Riva's about my husband. Now I see that it was actually very positive. I was trying to move to the acceptance level. But, unless he actually reads my blog, Andy will never understand that. It was such a difficult conversation when we last spoke. It just started my tears back up. So, I haven't called him again. I texted him but I haven't heard back. I sure could use his support.
Luckily we have friends who come visit us and offer their support.
Here is a link to good description of the stages of grief. It talks about death of the person. I think the same stages apply to mourning the end of a way of life. http://www.hopes-wi.org/SurvivorsGuide/mourning_process.htm