Understandably I have been kind of busy for the past couple of months. Besides taking care of Jim and Mom I have been grieving. Yesterday I was trying to understand the grieving process. It must have percolated in my head last night while I slept.
I have been so upset that Andy hasn't been at all supportive of me during this tragedy. I listened to his accusations that "I was too negative" "I eat junk food" "It won't happen to me because I take care of myself" etc. etc. I would try and defend myself to him. My "AHA" of today is that it isn't about me at all.
Andy is grieving too! But he is stuck in the first phase - denial. He has always liked Jim. He told me that he was happy that I had someone who loved me and took care of me. The new reality is that I have to take care of Jim. This new reality sucks. Andy is dealing with his grief in his own way.
Before Jim's accident Andy was having a wonderful life. He fell in love with Nina and he was so happy. He'd call me and tell me all his good news.
All of a sudden on November 24, 2010 Jim had a catastrophic accident and the family dynamics changed. It has been incredibly difficult for Jim, for me, for Mom and now I realize for Andy, too.