Tuesday, December 28, 2010

December 28, 2010

I'm too stressed out to sleep. I shouldn't have gone to the same restaurant for my birthday this year. It was just too difficult. My sons came and so did Jimmy and Lupita. But still it was just too hard. I can't stop crying tonight.

Tomorrow I'm going to visit "skilled nursing facilities" so I can begin to make a decision of where Jim should go next. It's just too much to bear. I can't believe I'm shopping for nursing homes for my husband and not my 89 year old mother. Life is too hard.

2 comments:

Jo :) said...

I am not really a commentor, Most things that I want to say, I just can't get out. But I remember when my parents passed away how people would avoid me because they didn;t know what to say... just something owuld have been nice.
So, here I am saying that I am sure I am not the only one here reading your story, feeling your heartache, knowing how strong you are and have to be for you both.
Sending every bit of healing light to you both, in hopes that it will make just a little bit of difference.
I don't really know what to say, but I do know that when I look back at some of my darkest times, I think " that wasn't so bad" it was horrible, but you get through, and eventually you are shown what to do, and everything seems to work out in the end.
You have to believe, you have to remeber those times you have had yourself and remember that all us quietly sharing your pain, are sending as many good wishes as we can. That has got to be good right? :)

Dee said...

We cannot go back, can we? I'm so sorry and I really can only imagine how you feel.

Life is NOT fair! Life can be hard, even brutal. You are going through so much. You are so smart to be writing daily. They used to call a notebook "the 75 cent psychiatrist"--now we're on the internet and so many can support you. Thank you for sharing your pain and your progress with us. You are loved and you are not alone.