Wednesday, December 29, 2010

December 29, 2010

I finally had to take a vicodin to get to sleep last night. My face is all swollen this morning and the tears are still flowing.

Holidays really are SO difficult. I just had no idea how hard they could be. I thought my first holidays alone back when I was going through a divorce sucked. Now, I wonder how much worse life can get. I wish I could turn off my brain for a day and just vegetate. I need a holiday from reality.

Jim needs me. Mom needs me. I have to stay strong.

It's a crappy rainy day today. I still am planning to visit 3 nursing homes. One of them is next to the Wellness Center and is part of Memorial Hermann. That might be a good one - Jim could do pool therapy. Pool therapy really helped me after my knee replacement.

I wasn't going to write about another one of my problems. But it is a big part of my pain right now. I've managed to estrange my older son and his girlfriend. My stupid sense of humor got me in trouble with them. That was back before Jim's accident. I can't go back in time and take back my words. I won't do dumb jokes again. I'm not the same person anymore. I used to see humor in everything - not anymore.

Nina, if you ever check my blog, please know I'm sorry I upset you. I'm glad that you are in Andy's life. I used to find humor in everything. I made a thoughtless joke. It was just that - a joke. Andy and I always joked around with each other.

My mother always told me to think before I spoke. I'm still working on that advice.

No worries - life doesn't seem very funny to me anymore.


Anonymous said...

I suppose we never grow too old to learn to keep our mouths shut with our kids even when they are adults. Guilty here too. And I also don't know what to say to comfort you except to say we think of you and Jim every single day and thanking that we are not in your shoes. You have our sympathy, our empathy and our love and our thoughts that we want life to get fairer for you. Mary/Rod

Anonymous said...

Joanne, You deserve to cry. Just do it. It's your pain and you can handle it the way you want.

I say too much to Karen. I should keep my mouth shut. We all make those mistakes. It's human.

I love your sense of humor. I "get" it. Don't lose it completely. It's part of who you are.

Please know that I continue to pray for all of you. God doesn't send more than we can bear, although it may seem that He does. You are doing great.

Love you. Marguerite